I have been sitting with a nebulous feeling of anxiety the last few days. Just sitting with it. I have learned that if I can find a way to simply relax into that uncomfortable feeling of anxiety long enough, it’s source will usually surface. I thought maybe it was a full-moon thing, but the moon has peaked and is now subtly shifting it’s weight. I thought maybe it was a hormone thing, but that didn’t feel quite right either. I haven’t been cranky or impatient, just anxious. I thought maybe it had something to do with ending my most recent cycle of Lyme treatment, but I’m actually feeling okay. So what is it? What is causing this undercurrent of stress in my life?
Finally, I had my moment of realization during a quick everyday phone call with my husband. We were trying to sort out some scheduling issues and I realized my head simply cannot keep track of all that we have going on right now – neither can the haphazard wall calendar we jot kid stuff on nor the semi-updated digital calendar we are supposed to be using for logistical coordination. I am anxious because I don’t know what to expect from my day when I get up in the morning. Does the house need to be ready for friends? Is there a meeting I am supposed to be at? When is my next yoga class? Is Eric headed out of town? Is there a Girl Scout event tonight? No wonder I’m feeling a little scattered!
Through soul searching hard work and intentionally following my passions, my world has very suddenly opened up. I am being called to do work that fills my heart and am being offered opportunities I have longed for. Now, I need to get myself organized! I have deadlines to make – creative loose ends that need to be tied up neatly, ready for presentation to the world – and a new and wonderful community to participate in.
I admit, I was a more than a little unsettled when I first realized how much the pace of my life has increased in recent months. However, it is with gratitude that I am aware of a remarkable difference this time around in contrast to past experiences. My current state of business is a result of doing work I love and experiences that fill me up. The work I am doing now drives my creativity and pushes my limits. My life is full of really good stuff and I don’t want to miss a moment of it.
Luckily, this is one of those problems that has a very simple and elegant solution. All I need is a basic paper day planner. I know that there are much more technologically advanced solutions out there, but I also know that I won’t use one of them. I need to physically write down my intentions and my plans for them to feel real. Tapping on a screen will never successfully cement anything in my brain, call me old fashioned. It’s off to be bookstore for me! Yay! I so look forward to writing down and keeping organized all of the projects that I am nurturing. No more anxiety caused by wondering what is ahead of me when I wake each morning. Importantly, I will also be able to more aptly walk that ever shifting tight wire of life balance – myself, my family, my work – when I am able to see all of my responsibilities laid out in one tangible space. In addition, this will empower me to be able to confidently say no when I need to. What a relief it will be to see and track how I am using my precious life energy.
Simple and easy. Yes.
I found this pretty and inexpensive planner at my local Barnes & Noble