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Monthly Archives: April 2012

Muddled musings of the infirm…

29 Sunday Apr 2012

Posted by Corey in April 2012

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wellness

Hipstamatic photo by Eric

I had big plans for a thoughtful post today, but I’m sick and have been on and off all week. We picked up a nasty upper respiratory virus somewhere and are having the hardest time shaking it. This means, for all intents and purposes, my brain has gone to mush. We are in full-on survival mode, just trying to keep the kids fed and the house from imploding – it’s debatable whether or not we have been succeeding at the later. My camera has been sitting untouched on it’s perch in the kitchen and this blog has been sadly neglected. I’m sorry.

Although I haven’t been terribly coherent, I have been doing a lot of soul searching the last few days (who knows, it may all be fever induced…) and have lots of bits and pieces of blog posts scribbled here and there. Unfortunately, I have had zero capacity to flesh them out in any sort of meaningful way. I feel like I have so much to share with you, but I am simply unable to organize my thoughts, what with all the goo and ick in my head at the moment. Bleh.

A late night spent falling down a rabbit hole on the internet, and a passionate discussion with Eric – don’t think fight, think beautiful exchange of ideas – has led me to some startling personal revelations that I feel moved to share, but I need to sort them all out so I can articulate them clearly to you. These thoughts about religion and spirituality and rationality require my thoughts to be fully present, not the muddled musing of the infirm. So… soon, not now. I probably wouldn’t make much sense, anyway.

I’m still here. I’m still doing what I do, but in the circular and confused way of a tired and sick parent. I’m going to drink a lot of water, do a lot of snuggling and get myself well. If you want to stay in touch with me, please join me on Facebook and look for my Instagram photos on Twitter – I haven’t gone completely underground!

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Friday Meditation

27 Friday Apr 2012

Posted by Corey in April 2012, Friday Meditation

≈ 5 Comments

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Freja, Friday Meditation

A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

~Amanda Blake Soule

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Busy Hands – Melancholy Mama

25 Wednesday Apr 2012

Posted by Corey in April 2012, Busy Hands

≈ 7 Comments

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books, busy hands, crochet, reading, yarn along

My intention is to take time every Wednesday to share with you what I have been creating and the pages I have been turning. My hope is that this will open up a space to help build community here at less & more. I would love to hear about the books you have been reading and to see the projects that have been keeping your hands busy!

This week I’m joining Ginny in her Yarn Along, but I probably won’t every week. I like to dive deeply into one type of project, leave it for a bit to pursue something else, then find my way back. I’ll use this space to display whatever I’m working on each week.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I read Dylan Thomas when I am in a certain mood. His dark and brooding words transport me. His verses take me back to a time in my life filled with smokey coffee shops and late, late nights. A time filled with scribbles in leather bound journals and well-worn denim. A time of independence and freedom and interesting conversations with strangers. Oh, how my melancholy soul loves Dylan Thomas. It’s been a long few days with Eric off traveling for work, cold gray rainy weather, and me still playing tug-of-war with a cold. So, my Dylan Thomas found his way to my bedside, in all of his dark and seething glory. A strange bedfellow indeed.

While I have been indulging my angsty tendencies by night, I am still required to be Mama by day. So it is in life, I suppose. I’ve been up to my eyeballs in laundry and baths and homework and reading about chickens with my little people. We have recently become friends with a family that has a small backyard flock and, as a result, our family has been stricken with a little chicken fever. Luckily, it’s not catching! I found this illustrated guide to chickens that makes it fun for everyone to get involved. My younger ones admire the illustrations while my older ones enjoy reading about the different personalities and character traits of the assorted breeds. We have unanimously fallen in love with the Faverolles and the Orpingtons. Someday, we hope to have our very own flock of big, silly, fluffy and gentle hens – maybe we’ll even toss in a sassy rooster to keep things interesting.

As for what has been on my crochet hook this week, I am still diligently trying to finish this hat, but am finding it to be so much more work than I ever imagined. I am invested in seeing to through to completion – however long that may take. (Can you feel my jaw clenching?) I have had to resign myself to the fact that the baby I intended it for may never actually wear it. Sigh.

On a brighter note, I have been enjoying making some fun sherbet colored washcloths that are just the right size for little bodies and faces. I originally purchased this ridiculous yarn for something else but couldn’t stand it – it just wasn’t the right yarn for that particular project. It was set aside until, during one of my little girls’ marathon bathing sessions, I noticed that they were struggling with the normal adult sized washcloths. Their sweet little hands couldn’t wrangle them in a useful way, so I decided to use this misfit yarn to make them some little people sized washcloths. Each one takes about forty-five minutes so they are piling up fast and furious. I can’t wait to see them in use in the tub – Freja tells me they would be good for use as pony boats. Ha!

What a weird concoction I am – a Dylan Thomas reading, silly chicken loving, little washcloth making Mama. That’s me.

Weird, and just right.

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In this moment…

23 Monday Apr 2012

Posted by Corey in April 2012

≈ 4 Comments

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in this moment, Sage

I am…

:: grateful for the rain that fell so cold and wet yesterday. I could almost hear the plants and trees and flowers stretch up to great it as the Earth sighed in relief.

:: treasuring the image of Sage splish-splashing in the puddles. She is joyful wherever she finds herself. I admire her so.

:: excited to reveal my latest project to you… Soon, very soon!

:: woke up with thoughts of sweet new babies on my mind. I miss the smell and feel of little tiny people so much, I simply burst with excitement when I learn of friends who are growing precious seeds in their bellies.

:: comforted by the rhythmic sounds of my washer and dryer – they are my constant parenting companions.

:: hearing all sorts of interesting sounds wafting up from our art space. I wonder what they are up to down there?

:: looking forward to spending some grown-up time with a good friend this evening after my little people have been tucked into bed. Hot tea and meaningful conversation, here I come!

:: missing my sweet hubby and hope he is relishing in the pleasure of travel to far off places.

:: thinking it may be time to finally corner Oliver and plop him in a bath. Our scruffy dog is getting a bit too scruffy, even for me.

:: craving a big bowl of crunchy sweet granola warm from the oven. I wonder if I have enough coconut to whip up a quick batch?

:: realizing it has been way too long since I’ve read a really-juicy-can’t-put-it-down kind of book. Any suggestions?

:: longing for a good stretch and the smell of sweet sandalwood. I think it is time to unfurl my yoga mat, light some incense, and salute the sun – even if it is veiled behind a layer of smokey grey clouds.

:: am being visited by a freshly minted four-year-old who wants me to play pretend with her. Of course I will be the lion, Freja, of course I will. Roar!

:: wishing you a lovely day filled with beautiful moments.

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Friday Meditation

20 Friday Apr 2012

Posted by Corey in April 2012

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childhood, Friday Meditation, joy, silliness, Willow

A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

~Amanda Blake Soule

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My New Love

19 Thursday Apr 2012

Posted by Corey in April 2012, Self Reflection

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bliss, community, kirtan, music, soulful


a beautiful vintage Bina harmonium

kartals

~~Gopala Gopala Devaki Nandana Gopala~~

I have fallen deeply in love with kirtan. My soul is lifted up by the sound of this sacred music. I feel a new freedom to smile, to cry, to laugh and to dance when I am surrounded by the swirling energy of so many voices singing out together. I offer my voice in kirtan as I never have before – I sing freely from my heart.

The beautiful steady drone of a harmonium. The crystal clear ringing of the kartals. The heart-filling vibrations of my own voice. These are sacred sounds. These are transformational sounds. This music I never even knew existed until recently fills my ears and my soul and my heart in such a complete and unexpected way – it is purifying and energizing and joyful. I carry it with me for days afterward. I feel so open and safe within this newfound community of gentle souls who gather together in gratitude.

Oh, yoga is so much more than I ever knew.

Many thanks to Krista of Be Yoga in Sterling, VA for building her beautiful yurt and for gathering us together. Thanks also to my friend Casey for picking up my camera and capturing these images of me.

~~Om Shanti Shanti Shanti ~~

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A Birthday Party ~ Sage’s Way

18 Wednesday Apr 2012

Posted by Corey in April 2012

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

birthday, celebration, childhood, family, Sage, silliness

We celebrated Sage’s birthday this past Friday. My sweet little girl turned nine. Nine years old and completely amazing. I am not very often found without words, but somehow this child and her spirit humble me everyday. I sit in awe of her. She requires an extraordinary mother and I am doing my very best to be the mother she needs each and every day. This is not easy. Some days I feel like I have risen up and succeeded, other days I feel like I have fallen down low and completely failed – that is the way of this parenting thing, I suppose. Sage and I are figuring this out as we go, one day at a time.

What an amazing journey we are on together.

My sweet Sage overflows with abundant energy, fearless creativity and an unparalleled  ability to live in the present moment. She is smart and funny and truly kind. She is a natural leader and the first to take a stand against injustice. She twirls her hair and is always the first one up in the morning. She and I are so alike, but still so very, very different. She sings silly songs all the time.

Sage has wholeheartedly embraced our new, simpler lifestyle and took an unusually long time to think about how she wanted to celebrate her birthday this year. After serious deliberation, she finally revealed her birthday requests and again, I was left in awe of how perfectly in tune she is with herself. She knows exactly what makes her happy – a skill I am still trying to figure out. She decided that turning nine required a very chocolate cake, one friend to spend the night – so they could camp in the basement, eat fish tacos and roast marshmallows – and her very own blog. She explained to me that she wanted good food, a good friend and her very own space to create in. Well, then.

The chocolate cake was a dairy-free gluten-free delight and the fish tacos were delicious. She was thrilled with the unexpected gifts of a brand new journal for jotting down all of her blogging ideas and her very own memory card to use in our old point and shoot camera. She hasn’t stopped snapping pictures since! Her blog is in the works and will be revealed to you soon. She is taking this new responsibility very seriously and has been writing and editing with intensity. I can not wait to see what she has been up to.

It was a simple birthday celebration and it was perfectly Sage. We ate good food, we played, we laughed, and we honored Sage and all that she adds to our family. I would not be the mother, nor the person, I am today without her in my life. She has helped me to learn and stretch and grow in so many unexpected ways. I love you so much my amazing daughter. Happy ninth birthday dear, dear Sage.

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A Momentary Lapse In Judgment

17 Tuesday Apr 2012

Posted by Corey in April 2012, Self Reflection

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

creativity, expectations, fear

I had a momentary lapse of judgement a while back. I somehow decided it would be a good idea to sign up for something called, “What I like about your blog.” Really? What was I thinking? I am not known for my steely nerves or my overwhelming confidence. In all honesty, I am a pretty fragile blogger. Writing is still new to me and I am still “in process” with so many of life’s big questions that I easily feel overwhelmed when criticized, even lovingly.

I try so very hard to write from my heart and my soul every time I enter this space. Because of this effort to share my deepest feelings with you in any given moment, because I feel this need to be sincerely present with you, my readers and my friends, I am often left feeling emotionally raw and extremely vulnerable after I finally work up the courage to click that “publish” button. Blogging has turned out to be one of the most difficult, but simultaneously most rewarding, things I have ever done creatively.

I started this blog late one night without any clear goal or message. My intention was to simply share what happens within myself and my family as we venture away from a conventional life toward a life that feels more resonate for us. I only felt a strong and undeniable pull to create this space – I had no idea the shape or form it would take on, nor the voice I would find to speak with. I had no expectations that my words or reflections would be of any interest or value to anyone other than me. To my great surprise, and with humble gratitude, I have been floored by the positive feedback I have received from both long-time friends and from complete strangers. It seems I might be on to something. Exactly what, I’m still not sure, but something here feels right and you have told me so.

So, back to my lapse in judgement. Let me explain this “What I Like About Your Blog” thing. Late one night I stumbled onto a website called Inspire Me Heather that proclaimed,

Dear bloggers: Would you like to have some other bloggers give you an honest critique of your blog? You won’t know who they were either. You can take their advice or dismiss it as you please.

The premise seemed simple enough, two anonymous bloggers would take a look at my blog and offer me honest feedback. I, in turn, would be required to do the same for two other bloggers. When all of the reviews were finally collected, the hosting blog would send us a link to a private page where we could read this collection of peer reviews.

Okay, I thought, maybe this will open my eyes up to any blind spots I may have about my own space. Maybe someone will tear me apart, maybe someone will “get” me. Maybe this will help me grow. I think deep down I was simply hoping someone would say, “Good job, keep it up.” Regardless, my insecurity and need for approval reared its ugly head and before I knew it I was registered. Gulp.

I eventually received an email directing me to two blogs that also had decided this endeavor was a good idea. Let me tell you, I broke a serious sweat examining and reviewing these blogs I was assigned. I explored every corner of their virtual worlds and wrote sincere and in-depth feedback. I tried to write from my heart and to offer them a fresh and thoughtful perspective on their work.

In return, I received one review that was just a few sentences long from someone who obviously only gave Less & More a quick once-over on their mobile device. Sigh. I was disappointed, but what could I do other than to immediately release that one? My other review was a bit more thoughtful and I felt like the reviewer actually took some time to digest what Less & More has to offer. She wrote one thing that I felt did warrant further reflection,

The content is great and the bloggers writing style pulls me in like I’m reading a book, however, the blog seems to shift its voice from a deep introspective prose to a recipe or just a photo. I feel that this gives some inconsistency in the flow of the content.

After reading these words, I immediately called my husband. I’m a verbal processor, so I needed to talk my reactions out. He knew that these reviews where coming, and with loving kindness he made time for me during his busy work day. We had talked back and forth about some of the specific points my reviewer had made for a while when he asked me a great question. He asked, “Have you read Chris’s latest post over at his blog, The Art Of Non-Conformity?”

Why, no, I hadn’t.

Click, click…

I have heard my husband mention this blog, The Art Of Non-conformity, from time to time over the past weeks and months. I knew that Chris, the bogger, was a world traveler and that he made his living writing and blogging. My impression of him was that he was living a pretty amazing life in alignment with his unique values, but that we probably didn’t have much in common. I’m a picture-taking, yoga-practicing, deeply rooted mother of four while he is a childless writer, entrepreneur and globetrotter. Reading his words humbled me once again. We are all undeniably connected, aren’t we?

It turns out that along with his world travels, his mission is to empower others so that they are able to find the lives that resonate for them. His blog is both entertaining and packed full of tools, offered without charge, to help guide those ready to embrace a life of non-conformity. (Who… me?) He writes to those individuals eager to make their living as full-time writers and bloggers. He does this without advertising, without posting a zillion times and day and without relying on most of the conventional tricks of the blogging trade. He is truly remarkable, and exactly the medicine I needed while recovering from my momentary lapse in judgement. His words stopped me in my tracks. He writes,

If someone doesn’t know you, why should they care about what you have to say? Facing down this question can be humbling, but it’s also crucial to your success. You have to plan to answer the “reason why” as soon as possible. What’s in it for the followers?

Wow. That little gem has had me thinking for days now. What exactly is my “reason why?” Why do I do what I do here? Beyond basic documentation, beyond simple journal style self-reflection, why do I write in this space four or five times a week? Why do I put myself on public display? Why do I offer myself up for judgment, when I know I am so deeply sensitive to it? This is the work of personal growth that Chris writes about and the work that I am doing every single day.

Like so many things that happen in my life, my temporary lapse in judgment has turned out to be an unexpected blessing. This superficial need of mine to be validated sent me down a very unexpected and meaningful train of thought. Just what am I trying to say here in this space I have created? Am I ready to make a few changes so I can connect more clearly with you, my friends and my readers? How does this blog of mine fit into the grander picture I have for my life, for my family’s life? Oh, there is so much more reflection to be done, so much more reading to do, so many more plans to dream up.

I’m excited and my mental wheels are smokin’!

I think that a few changes may be in order around here. In fact, I already have a few ideas. For now though, I will continue as I have been. Change takes thought and time. As I finalize my plans and put them into motion, I promise you will be the first to know. My loyal friends and readers, even as I experiment with this space and struggle to find my voice you always manage to lift me up. I may have temporary lapses in judgment, and bouts of overwhelming anxiety, but your support and love and encouragement are a huge part of what keeps me coming back again and again. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

I would be deeply grateful to now hear your thoughts. Although I am sensitive to criticism, I trust you. I trust you to speak your truth and to help me stretch creatively. Please, be honest and forthright with your words. What keeps you coming back here? What could I do to make this space more meaningful for you? All thoughts and comments are welcome.

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Friday Meditation

13 Friday Apr 2012

Posted by Corey in April 2012, Friday Meditation

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Friday Meditation, Willow

 

A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

~Amanda Blake Soule

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Feeling Scattered

12 Thursday Apr 2012

Posted by Corey in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

I have been sitting with a nebulous feeling of anxiety the last few days. Just sitting with it. I have learned that if I can find a way to simply relax into that uncomfortable feeling of anxiety long enough, it’s source will usually surface. I thought maybe it was a full-moon thing, but the moon has peaked and is now subtly shifting it’s weight. I thought maybe it was a hormone thing, but that didn’t feel quite right either. I haven’t been cranky or impatient, just anxious. I thought maybe it had something to do with ending my most recent cycle of Lyme treatment, but I’m actually feeling okay. So what is it? What is causing this undercurrent of stress in my life?

Sitting. Waiting…

Finally, I had my moment of realization during a quick everyday phone call with my husband. We were trying to sort out some scheduling issues and I realized my head simply cannot keep track of all that we have going on right now – neither can the haphazard wall calendar we jot kid stuff on nor the semi-updated digital calendar we are supposed to be using for logistical coordination. I am anxious because I don’t know what to expect from my day when I get up in the morning. Does the house need to be ready for friends? Is there a meeting I am supposed to be at? When is my next yoga class? Is Eric headed out of town? Is there a Girl Scout event tonight? No wonder I’m feeling a little scattered!

Through soul searching hard work and intentionally following my passions, my world has very suddenly opened up. I am being called to do work that fills my heart and am being offered opportunities I have longed for. Now, I need to get myself organized! I have deadlines to make – creative loose ends that need to be tied up neatly, ready for presentation to the world – and a new and wonderful community to participate in.

I admit, I was a more than a little unsettled when I first realized how much the pace of my life has increased in recent months. However, it is with gratitude that I am aware of a remarkable difference this time around in contrast to past experiences. My current state of business is a result of doing work I love and experiences that fill me up. The work I am doing now drives my creativity and pushes my limits. My life is full of really good stuff and I don’t want to miss a moment of it.

Luckily, this is one of those problems that has a very simple and elegant solution. All I need is a basic paper day planner. I know that there are much more technologically advanced solutions out there, but I also know that I won’t use one of them. I need to physically write down my intentions and my plans for them to feel real. Tapping on a screen will never successfully cement anything in my brain, call me old fashioned. It’s off to be bookstore for me! Yay! I so look forward to writing down and keeping organized all of the projects that I am nurturing. No more anxiety caused by wondering what is ahead of me when I wake each morning. Importantly, I will also be able to more aptly walk that ever shifting tight wire of life balance – myself, my family, my work – when I am able to see all of my responsibilities laid out in one tangible space. In addition, this will empower me to be able to confidently say no when I need to. What a relief it will be to see and track how I am using my precious life energy.

Simple and easy. Yes.

I found this pretty and inexpensive planner at my local Barnes & Noble

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With Gratitute

This space, Less & More, is where I come to process. To unravel the experiences of this life we live, to think, to wonder, to meditate. This space is safe. This space is sacred. This space is my retreat for thought and for connection.

Connection with myself and connection with you.

I’m so glad you’ve joined me. Welcome.

I encourage you to leave comments, ask questions and create community. I will respond as often as life allows and look forward to our time together.

Please feel free to link to me, but I ask that you receive permission before using any of my images.

Blessings ~ Cedar

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